Expectation and discrimination

The inspiration for this article comes from a recent discussion the author had with a friend. The author felt like it would be worth sharing with the readers, as this may be relevant to many of us.

The friend was explaining to the author how he was holding expectations, and how unhappy this made him. The friend also explained that he was facing scenarios that he did not like, he was having thoughts he did not like. In essence, he was not happy with his experience. 

To sum this up, we can say that we are dealing with two things. Expectation and discrimination.
When we investigate closely, we realize that they go hand in hand.

Before we dig in, we want to point out that the expectation and discrimination we address in this article, is the kind that comes from the idea of a separate self, a separate 'me', the ego. We are addressing the expectations and discrimination happening to benefit the ego, for they are the ones bringing us suffering. 

Expectation

When we check up on our intentions, we realize that everything we do for the sake of this 'separate self' comes with an expectation, regardless of how subtle it may be. We may be dressing in a certain way, because we feel that we want to be noticed or acknowledged. When not, we are left disappointed. Is this not true?

Or, we have this idea that if we do this or that for our partners, they will do something in return, or they will respond in a certain way. When they don't, we are left with disappointment and frustration.

We experience this on more subtle levels too. For example, we do charity work and it looks good on the surface, but on the inside, we are just feeding this idea of "I am so good, I am so kind, I am so humble". We are expecting to feel good and important, we want acknowledgment, we want our ego to be inflated. Therefore, our charity comes with an expectation too.

We even have expectations in our spiritual practices. We sit in meditation or repeat the mantra, do the prayer, hoping that we shall have this wow experience. We want something to happen. Needless to say, we are again left with disappointment.

See, expectations do lead to disappointment.

Discrimination

Another habit of this ego-mind is discrimination - something it tends to do so well. Constantly weighing up one thing up against another. We feel this situation is better than that. We like this person more than that one. Or, we observe thoughts such as "Oh, why am I having this thought, it is a bad thought, I should only be having those good thoughts." 

Does this sound familiar? See, one discrimination after another. 

We are not implying that it is wrong to have a beer rather than a wine, or to order a pizza and not a salad. We have preferences, and that is fine. Also, we are not suggesting that we should simply accept our suffering and not wanting to change it, of course not. 

We are specifically looking at the idea that there is a 'separate self' that will benefit from one thing or another. Discrimination happening for the benefit of this separate 'me'. 

Going Together

Expectation creates the idea that what we have right now is not good enough, but that something else would be better. By having an expectation, we are already stealing from ourselves the very thing that we wish for - fulfillment.

Expectations create the idea that at some future point, a different situation will exist, something better than what we have now.

See, this is discrimination. Discriminating that the present moment is not good enough, but a future moment will be better. We do not like what is here now, but if we do this or that, something different will happen, and that would make us happier. Thus, an expectation.

Discrimination and expectation, hand in hand, a vicious circle. This may sound confusing, but we can simply check up on our own experiences, we can investigate our own thoughts, and we shall notice this pattern.

As a note, we want to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with seeking lasting peace and happiness. However, seeking lasting peace and happiness outside of ourselves - this is what brings us suffering.

Turning to Peace

Saying that we are not going to have expectations anymore sounds great. Saying that we are not going to discriminate anymore sounds just as great! However, we know that this is not simply a matter of stopping our thoughts. This is simply not practical. This is also not the solution to our suffering.

So, how do we go about our discriminations and expectations?

First, we need to acknowledge that yes, these thought patterns are making us suffer. Once we acknowledge this, we can start to take action. We are not ignorant of our suffering anymore.

As always, we check up, we investigate who is having these expectations, who is the one discriminating? We investigate our minds, our bodies, and we look for this 'me' having all these expectations and preferences. 

When we cannot find this separate self, we acknowledge what remains. We acknowledge our own awareness, and we simply rest in our own awareness. Not the idea of awareness - just awareness itself.

By doing this, this notion of a 'separate self' dissolves. We acknowledge ourSelf, beyond the concepts of name and form, time and space. 

Our True Nature is free from discrimination and free from expectation. We are already fulfilled, we have always been. This is true peace. This is lasting fulfillment. 

Knowing our True Nature, we can surrender to the present moment, we accept what is, and we remain in peace. 

Related articles on this blog:

Checking up - 21 June, 2021
Peace and Happiness - 6 June, 2021
No expectations, Here and Now - 11 June, 2021