Having meaningful relationships

How do we see or understand relationships? How do we step into our relationships? It is not uncommon that we build relationships based on what the other person can do for us, what we can gain from it. It may sound a bit harsh, but let's be honest with ourselves. Do we feel that we need to create or maintain a relationship because we need someone, or because we depend on someone?

Maybe we have a fear that without some person, we would suffer financially, so we impute our illusion of financial security onto another person. In the end, these relationships are fake, because we are merely maintaining them for the sole purpose of benefiting ourselves. 

This can be relationships with friends, family, colleagues. It can even be with our partners, our husbands or wives, girlfriends or boyfriends.

Ideas of renouncing

As we enter a spiritual path, it is not uncommon that we start to hear of renouncing the ego, letting go of attachments and desires. It may be expressed in different terms, but it boils down to the same thing, that our needs, our desires, and attachments lead us to suffer, and it is an obstacle on the path to inner peace and freedom from suffering.

With that said, some of us may wonder how it is possible to have an intimate relationship with someone if we want to let go of desires and attachments. See, we are mostly confused and we think that being attached to someone and desiring someone is an expression of love. Due to the fact that we want to get rid of the ego's needs, we may think that we need to stop loving too. This is a misunderstanding.

We have this misunderstanding, and we withhold ourselves from having partners, from spending our lives with someone. We want to dissolve the ego, by not feeding its desires and attachments, but we end up feeding another desire of the ego, the desire to be free, the desire to be in peace. See, the same desire, with a different mask, the ego discriminating. We need to be very clear and mindful!

At this point, the question we may ask, is How do we have meaningful relationships? Let's discuss!

Relationships with clarity

As we enter a relationship, let's say for example a romantic relationship, an intimate relationship, we need to be crystal clear on one thing. We need to understand that we are not stepping into this, seeking happiness or peace from the other person. As soon as we create expectations, we know that we are opening the door to endless unhappiness and suffering.

How can we have a relationship where we impute the idea of fulfillment or happiness on someone else? What we need to understand, is that peace and fulfillment are only and solely to be found inside of ourselves. It can never be found in any object, be this a person, a thing, or an idea. Not even in the idea we have of ourselves. When we say that fulfillment is within, we are speaking about our True Nature, the Self, God, or whatever we want to label it, which is exactly the same for all of us.

When we know that happiness and peace and fulfillment lies within, we step into relationships openly, without expectations, without desires. The ego desires, the ego clings, but as we shatter the illusion of the ego, we stop living as a servant to it, and we live from the heart. 

As we step into a relationship, we step into it free from expectations, and all that we want to do is share love, share happiness.

Of course, this does not mean that any relationship is all smiles and happy, each and every moment. When we or our partners are suffering, we can share our internal peace and happiness with them, we can be there for them and be compassionate. Is this not what we actually want when we are suffering? To be in the presence of love and peace? This is what we can offer each other. 

To conclude, we want to say that we do not have to renounce relationships and live an isolated life, or that we first need to find true fulfillment and peace within, before we can step into a relationship. We may find someone that is on the same path as us, and we can grow together, in love and in peace. 

Life is beautiful, magical, and spending our lives with someone, is the Universe dancing with Herself, a play between God and Himself. When we do it without expectations, when we step into it with clarity, we can turn our relationships into something profound and beautiful.

Even on a spiritual path, we can still have meaningful relationships. The more the ego dissolves, the more intimacy we can experience.